I wish I only lived at night.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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