My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize