so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
