so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
