i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
