Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
