Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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