Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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