"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
