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i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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