im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
