I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can't trust your balls anymore.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
