Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize