Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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