We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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