if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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