Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
