After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
