Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
