yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have feelings that need drinking.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
