My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm always down for nudity.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
