I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
