My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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