I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
