i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
