i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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