I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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