it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
