It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
