I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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