I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
