Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
