I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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