I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
