My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
