I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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