I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
