It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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