Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
