I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She needs sedatives and a leash
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
