Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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