he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
