Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
