I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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