one might say we're banned from that church
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
