It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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