I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
