hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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