She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
