Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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