This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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