Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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