If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
