are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
