i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
