why didn't you poke me back
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
