3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
