Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
