I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
