Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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