I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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