why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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