I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
