official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
