Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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