It's Friday. Sex?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize