if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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