As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
