MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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