Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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