Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
honey bunches of taint.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
