I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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