Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
