My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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