wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
