Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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