The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
