He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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