dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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