Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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