dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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