Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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